If You Really Had Faith

April 28th, 2006 · 5 Comments

tilton I’m currently watching Robert Tilton right now. It’s early in the morning. It has been a while since I have seen him on TV. If you thought he was gone…well you are just wrong. He still has his Success-N-Life TV show. Only now, for some weird reason, he buys time and has his show on BET. It has been quite educational. Did you know if you call and make a “vow” of only $1,000 to Tilton’s ministry that God will bless you. Robbie told me that if I am having trouble paying my bills, or if I want to buy a new home, or if my business is doing bad that if I would just call and make a “vow” then God would give me lots of money. Hallelujah

Rob said there was 15 people out there that he knows God is telling them to give a vow. Then he looked right at me, through the TV, and said I was supposed to give $5,000. Then he started chanting “Kabala, kabala, kabala, kabala…..” I am not quite sure why. But he started talking about salvation in other countries. Hallelujah Hallelujah

And did you know that poverty, sickness, and other problems were directly caused by Satan. Reverend Tilton encouraged me, repeatedly, to “give the devil a black eye” (Hallelujah) by making a vow to his ministry. Jesus has bills Hallelujah WOOOO Hallelujah Hallelujah

The reason I don’t have all the blessings I want in life is because I don’t have faith. Wait…Rob just told me to give the devil a black eye again Hallelujah. Anyways, if I was a real Christian and had real faith then I would make a “vow” to his ministry. All I have to do is call 1 (800) 705-7000 and give $1,000 to him. After that the Rev. will break Satan’s hold over me. WOOO Hallelujah

He said the world would be evangelized….then did some chanting….then rambled various words, now he is saying if I’ll just make my faith covenant and give God something to drink and eat by making a “vow” woooo Hallelujah of only $1,000 then the world will be evangelized…hold on just a second…I have to go make a quick phone call, I think I’m one of the 15 people he’s talking about. He said there was a minister out there who needed to give $5,000, so I have to go find my savings account number real quick before Candy comes on to sing, I sure don’t want to miss that great music.

I tell you what, this guy chaps my hide. He started his show again back in 1998 on BET and airs it in inner city markets to poor people. What most people don’t know is that right now most of his shows are re-runs. He did make a few new shows in 2004/5 with his third wife Maria Rodriguez, and their four French poodles. He still uses the same scriptures, says the exact same things, and does the same stupid expressions and sayings he did before the scandal happened. Why hasn’t God smote him yet…I mean for real, what does it take for a good smiting these days.

Category: Miscellaneous

5 responses so far ↓

1 Cliff // Apr 28, 2006 at 5:28 am

T.D. Jakes wantes me to tell you to stop asking for a handout and ask for a hand up.

Whew…I tell you what, TD is something else. I think I’ve seen him have 3 convulsions all while standing up and walking. Crazy. He could give ol Robert Tilton a run for his money with the random utterings and weird expressions. Not so much in the fraud department though…Robert has that down pretty good. I like TD. TD would tell Robert to “speak to it.” Then he’d tell him to stop asking for a handout and ask for a hand up. Battery dying…have to go…bye
2 Lydia // Apr 28, 2006 at 7:54 am

“What does it take for a good smiting these days…” I like that! Haha! :) And I agree! I had no idea Robert Tilton was still around. I looked at his website; it’s all thrown together with typos everywhere, and he doesn’t even bother to make the “vow” and “donation” pages secure! Yep, he’s offering that vow thing as a service to us, for sure. Smiting, indeed. I guess it shows us yet again how our idea of justice is different from God’s. I usually don’t understand why God allows what He does, and this is no exception. However, that’s why He’s God and I’m not. I’m afraid there would be quite a bit of smiting if I got to choose. :)
3 Brit // Apr 28, 2006 at 9:36 am

It always amazes me how they can look through my tv set and look straight into my heart . . . better go grab my checkbook.
4 Scott Baker // Apr 30, 2006 at 12:28 am

You want a smiting? If you will give me a call, WOO, right now, Halleluja, and pledge $1000, I will see him smoted. Don’t wait! Pick up the phone and call me now. This Tilton fraud has gone on long enough, hammanahammana, and I’ll get with God to take care of it. For just $1000, you can have a part in saving people from listening to him in the future. WOO! Just call now, and I’ll get him smote, uhnnnnnnnnnnnngh! WOO!
5 The Wide World of Swindlers // Jul 4, 2007 at 4:59 pm

[...] wonderful friend “Pastor” Robert Tilton (also known as the Farting Preacher). It has been a while since I’ve seen him. So I wondered what he was up [...]